"God, am I dying?"
A clear response came.
"Yes, Stephanie. If you don't do something, you will die."
"What can I do?” I sobbed, “Oh, God! Please help me find answers."
It was February 19th of this year when I offered this prayer, and I was truly in a bad way. It was as if all my body systems had been cued to shutdown—a terrifying moment. The same day, God sent an earthly angel to help guide me to the threshold of my healing pathway. Now that I had an idea of what illness I was possibly dealing with, I no longer had to suffer in the darkness with the mystery.
Initially, I was brimming with gratitude for the miracle of God's intervention on my behalf, but my heart is undisciplined and in just four days I found myself despairing. Why was this happening to me? I was gripped in the self-indulgent trap of self-pity. I needed God's help, and fast! God came to my rescue, inspiring me with a very specific idea to write down just five things I was grateful for, each day. The treasures that have come out of choosing to act on the counsel God gave me, to take up this simple practice, have been beyond anything I could have imagined.
Throughout this year, my gratitude journal has captured a wide range of things to be thankful for, from straightforward to significant, from simple to profound. As would be expected, I was grateful for my husband, children, family, friends, home, vehicle, money in the bank account, food, bed, entertainment, and other such things that readily come to mind. Many of these things are straightforward but, if we're not careful, taken for granted.
Having lost my health, which is one of the items commonly found on such lists, it suddenly became significant when I could move my right arm normally again, or walk for five minutes without it feeling like I had walked five hours. A good night's sleep, another typical gratitude list item, also became significant. It was surprising to realize how meaningful it was to be able to sleep through just one night out of a long string of fitful, pain-filled nights. There also came a day when the dark clouds of self-pity dispersed and the light of joy was restored within me. That... was a marvelous day.
I was also grateful for the ordinary and simple things which so often are ignored but come to our awareness when we are desperately seeking to find joy amid the pain. There was this little red cardinal that I affectionately began to call “our little cardinal friend.” I began looking for him because he would usually show up every day, frequently choosing to sit on the back fence abutting the forested creek that runs behind our yard. The contrast of his bright red feathers against the backdrop of the ferny green boughs of the black walnut trees positively delighted me.
One of the hardest lessons to learn, was to be grateful for what I most desperately wanted to escape from—pain and suffering. Yet, it was at my lowest points that I discovered the profound love of God. It was in these moments of acute distress that my loving Lord revealed Himself to me in precious and powerful ways, that I came to know Him with a beauty and depth that I never thought possible. I can testify, now, with boldness that He is the truest, most constant friend any of us could ever hope to have. In the quietude of the night, unable to sleep as my own body inflicted torture upon me, I reached for Him more than I ever have and He... reached... back. He never failed me. He filled my mind with understanding, He touched me with His joy (so much so that I could laugh), He soothed me with His love and peace, He encouraged me with His truth and wisdom—every night of suffering He was with me, unfailingly.
It was in a recent conversation with God that I learned the powerful lesson that is so evident in my own experience:
The answer to all your problems is gratitude. The discipline of practicing gratitude in all things will strengthen your awareness of My presence in your life, and also My presence in the world around you. As you continue in this, you will more readily see My hand in all things and your trust and confidence in Me will grow.
I invite you to try it and see what happens. May your experience with gratitude illuminate your life with the love, joy, peace, and hope that God so anxiously desires to shower upon you in abundance.