Enduring Trials with Jesus: Part 1
I was recently invited to speak at a large regional faith conference, and was to asked to share with those in attendance the trial I went through with my health and how my faith in Jesus helped me during that challenge. I was given 5-6 minutes to speak, so I was only able to relate a tiny portion of my experience. In consecutive posts I will be sharing more about my experience.
For decades, I struggled with debilitating health problems and pain. My efforts at resolution only led to misdiagnoses and dead ends. In 2020, just before the pandemic, my health problems became severe and continued to worsen until it reached a point where I experienced an extreme loss of most of my bodily abilities. Near the end of 2022, I was completely unable to stand, walk, roll over, or sit-up on my own. I couldn't feed myself or even reach up to scratch my own nose. I was completely dependent upon my husband and family for my every need. Then, while already in this near quadriplegic state, my vital functions began to shut down. I was near death, with no clear answers, and it was a truly terrifying time for myself and those who loved me.
At that time, I didn't know that answers were on the horizon and that the MRI scan I was scheduled to receive, in just a few weeks, would finally reveal a tumor at the top of my spine—the cause of all the problems I had been having over so many years. I had always had faith in Jesus, but during the most desperate moments leading up the point where I received the tests and procedures that would save my life and restore me to a life of health, my faith in Him became especially crucial.
You might be wondering, "What does it even look like to have faith in Jesus when you're going through something like that?"
Jesus tells us to come to Him when we're heavy laden, and we will find rest in Him. He tells us to become yoked to Him and to learn of Him, for he is gentle and humble. He tells us that His burden is light for our souls. This trial led me to a point where I reached out and drew nearer to Jesus than I ever have and I was truly blessed to feel His love like I never have before. I came to learn that Jesus is my refuge. I learned that Jesus is especially near to those who are suffering and are seeking His relief. His arms ache to comfort, hold, and carry us. He longs to lift us out of fear and despair, to relieve us with His hope, peace, gratitude, love, and joy.
One particular experience I had was in 2020, at the time my health situation started to become severe. I was feeling deep despair, hopelessness, fear, and self-pity. I was especially mired in self-pity and it was a great affliction to add to my already heavy burden. I prayed for help and the idea came to me to begin a gratitude journal where I only needed to list 5 things I was grateful for every day—just 5 things. I began on this practice and was amazed to discover that within 2 weeks, the self-pity had just disappeared. In it's place, I felt peace and gratitude. As I continued, I was in awe to see how much joy I could feel in the simple things. For instance, there was this little cardinal bird that would come almost daily to sit on our back fence. I would look upon his bright red plumage against the backdrop of the vibrant green forest with such delight that I came to call him my little cardinal friend. I knew he was sent from God to lift my heart.
While my health challenges persisted, I learned that Jesus was providing for me, even in ways I didn't know I needed. When my mobility had been compromised to the degree that I could no longer physically participate in life as I once had, Jesus sent me people I could love with my heart. A mother with young children had moved into the area during the pandemic and as things opened up, she was longing for love and friendship. Among others, my home became a place for her. I was able to help her and because of that I was able to feel like I still had value. I hadn't realized how much I needed that, but Jesus knew. Another friend confided in me the trials she was going through, and we began to share our hearts with one another, visiting frequently and texting one another encouraging scriptures and uplifting messages. I didn't feel so alone and Jesus knew that I needed that, too. I learned to have faith in Jesus, that I could trust that He would provide what I needed during the trial.
As the days, months, and years progressed, I began to wonder if I would ever receive healing. I didn't know for certain if God would heal me. Even when I felt sweet reassurance through healing blessings and after praying, the doubts would inevitably creep in. I began an intense study of the scriptures, to read everything I could about healing. As I cataloged these scriptures, I also discovered others which increased my faith in Jesus even more. As I studied the scriptures, I became convinced that not only could I count on Jesus to heal me, but I could also count on Him to be my guide, my deliverer, and that He will never forsake me because of how valuable I am to Him.
Jesus isn't in a hurry... but He is always on time, even when everything appears bleak. As I have searched the scriptures, I have never found an account where Jesus ran. Jesus walked everywhere, even on the water. I learned that my faith wasn't going to speed Him up, but it did prepare me for the timing of His deliverance. When the answers finally came for me, I was confident that all would be well. I had worked on increasing my faith in Jesus to be healed, and I knew He would heal me. And today I physically stand before you as evidence that God's promises are sure and He is a God of miracles.
Everyone in this room has some challenges they're facing, some of which seem impossible to bear. I testify that Jesus is the one you need. Learn of Him. Cast your burdens on Him. Trust in His provision. Believe in His promises. Trust in His timing.
I know that if you do these things, you will be blessed in the Lord's time. In Jesus' name. Amen.